Tuesday, June 20, 2017

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Poem: Forsaken


Quote of the day: 

In spite of everything I shall rise again: I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing. -Vincent Van Gogh







You were careful.
Careful in a carefree world.
Neither wavering or being impartial.
A growing fetus uncurled.

You were often unjust.
Earth spinning on its axis daily.
Tomorrow you regain life's trust.
A soul breathing baby.

You were deserted.
Trusting no one and being hush-hush.
Mysteries of the universe closely guarded.
A painter without a paintbrush.

You were mostly drinking.
Only then did your dreams come alive.
Circumspect but often misguided thinking.
A colony within a beehive. 

You sat shirtless banishing any shame.
But then again welcomed pride openly.
A picture paints a thousand words you proclaim.
A penny for each probity. 

Your blessing arrived in disguise.
Terrible wig, fake mustache and hair.
Life is a race with no trophy or prize.
A method to madness everywhere.

You cry over spilled milk today.
But take little notice of the broken glass.
Which side is the wrong side of the bed you lay.
A tip of black sand in a hourglass.


*

The above poem is my take on writing in second person as mentioned in my previous post. Let me know your thoughts on this form of writing. Do you enjoy reading it as a poem? Have you read any books written in such form?

Related: Another one of my poems written in such form


Peace. Love. Light* 



Current Listen: Art Blakey & the Jazz Messengers - 'Moanin'



34 comments:

  1. I am so loving this!

    Bloglovin
    STYLEFORMANKIND.COM

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  2. Great use of second person indeed with a verse at your feed.

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  3. Yes, B, I enjoyed the poem and even more so liked the accompanying photo and wondered if it was taken by yourself and the specifics.

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  4. I am a great fan of poetry in all its guises, so I did enjoy the poem.

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  5. I like this form, I think you're done a good job with this one

    Much love...

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  6. This came out very well, the second person would be a little harder to write in but so worth it.

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  7. Sad and sweet. Love it.

    xoxox,
    CC

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  8. Your poem is terrific - it's really emotional and moving, especially I love beggining about being careful in careless world.

    http://crafty-zone.blogspot.com

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  9. Excellent! Just confirms my thought that it's best used for poetry.

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  10. I like the second person sometimes. It's as if one can share one's soul but it is in disquise as "you" and not oneself.

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  11. __ Second Person, that care of someone else's feelings... perhaps parallel in some fashion to every writer... and it fits so well, B.!

    Pencils,
    fill in your tale
    as you search good thought,
    scribbled along your trails that splay;
    life-log.
    _m

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  12. This is amazing. So well written and really touches the heart.
    I just followed your lovely blog (#357). Please follow back and let's stay in touch.

    www.fashionradi.com

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  13. We all go into something, but the reason might be different for each of us.
    Coffee is on

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  14. I love this poem and appreciate the use of second person. I have read the alpha version of an (as yet_) unpublished novel in second person/present tense.. It gave it a great deal of immediacy even urgency which was appropriate for the plot. I loved it but am not sure I could write well in that manner. Have written song lyrics in second person quite often though!

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  15. Yes, I liked the second person form. It turned this to a striking warning.

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  16. My name "Stacey" means "one who shall rise again"... we have crawled out of the "rubble" of my ruined Life more times than we would have wished... Still surrounded by the rubble of the last few times... but we will endure, good Sir...

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    Replies
    1. hit a wrong button and had to re-Follow your inspirational blog, good Sir...

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  17. Yes, I can see the use of second person. It felt like someone knew the other person very well.

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  18. You did a good job of second person--and have created an intriguing and a bit depressing poem.

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  19. A little sad, i think... but fits my mood today.

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  20. A little sad, i think... but fits my mood today.

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  21. The second person leaves the reader wondering who the piece is aimed at - unless it's obvious from the verse. Well done, you. And that opening photo is extremely evocative.

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  22. Writing in second person sounds different, but very interesting!
    Such a lovely poem!
    Kisses, Paola.
    Expressyourself

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  23. I have actually read a book in this format/style before - and really enjoyed it!

    aglassofice.com x

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  24. Very nice & inspiring poem and i love that quote.. have a great day xx
    I m following u on GFC do follow back to keep in touch!!

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  25. I like the poem format. It really makes the reader be right there with you.

    ~Sheri

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  26. I love the quote and I really enjoyed your writing!!!

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